Talk 61 – No Title :D

These days i still very busy preparing for the upcoming national exam. And today, i want to tell something that honestly i don’t want to tell. But, yeah, however i need to write about it. So, unexpectly two weeks ago, my parents found my diary. And they were read it. Yup, MY DIARY!!!! THEY WERE READ MY DIARY!!!!!!! Oh my god i think that’s the fuckest thing that ever happened to me -_____-

Read my diary it means they read every things in my mind. They knew almost all of my secrets. All of my private things. Damn, i was really mad. But, they were my parents right? What can i do? I couldn’t yell at them, i couldn’t kick them, or anything else. But, seriously i was very disappointed and i will always disappointed at them.

Well, however they were disappointed at me too. They found out that I was dating and went out not only with my friends but also with my boyfriend. They found out about how happy I am when I was with my boyfriend, when he was holding my hand, and how happy I am when I was hug him and hearing his heartbeat. They were really mad at me, because I broke the rule about ‘I mustn’t have boyfriend before I graduate from senior high school’.

That night everything went wrong. My parents yelled at me, they told me how disappointed them and how they couldn’t understand why I wanted to dating with junior high school boy. Well, they didn’t know about V and I, and they acted like they knew everything.  They also said anything else that successfully made me hate myself. And once again, they were my parents I couldn’t say anything to answer what they said. Well, however even what they said annoyed me. I knew they were right and they said that for my own good, so I tried to receive everything they said and not end up hating them. I love my parents, I will not hate them.

So, this is what actually I wanted to tell. After my parents finished ‘talk’ to me, I was in my room alone and I was thought about something I needed to do. I still wanted to protect my relationship with V, but I didn’t think it was right thing. My mother is sick, and if I didn’t do what my parents told me to do, situation in our house will not going right, and the atmosphere between my parents and I will be very uncomfortable. And all of that will make my mother condition become worst.

And finally I made my decision. I wrote a really long letter for my parents, I told them that I felt really sorry and I promised I will change, I will not dating anymore, and I will concentrate with my study. And you guys knew what it means right? I decided to break up with V. I knew that would hurt V’s feeling, but what could I do? It was like I needed to choose between my family and my boyfriend. It was too much isn’t it? Needed to choose between something you love the most and you wanted to keep forever by your side. And beside that my parents took my mobile, they called my bestfriends and told them to not influenced me again to meet V. Well, they even told me to stay away from my bestfriends, because they were thought that my bestfriends are not good friends for me. What the hell is that? My bestfriends and I were friends for almost three years, they means a lot for me. Lost my boyfriend is more than enough.

After wrote letter for my parents, I made a mini neck tie origami for V. Yeah, maybe it would be last neck tie origami for V. Huft, how sad, I really wish I could made thousands neck tie origami for him. I made a mini one, because I didn’t want to tell my feelings to him. Because I thought, maybe it will make everything harder.

The next day, I met V at our school. I didn’t really say anything to him. I just told about my parents that found my diary, and we needed to break up, because I needed to do what my parents told me to do. How ridiculous I am -___- And V still fight for our relationship, but I did nothing beside said, that I seriously wanted and needed broke up with him. And then I left him, because I knew if I stay any longer with him, I will not walk away from him and change my decision right away.

I tried to not care even I knew I still love him and still always wanted to be with him. I tried to not care even I knew from now and so on everyday would became different and darker. I tried to not care even I scared to death that I couldn’t meet him anymore. I tried to not care even I knew it was hurt V’s feelings a lot. I tried to not care even I saw him cry because of me. I tried to not care even I knew I would give V a really hard time. I tried to not care even I knew I wasted someone who love me a lot and the one who wanted to always protect me.

And I did it. I could pretended that I didn’t care. I pretended until the night finally came and everything became quiet. And I could not help but miss him a lot. Every night before I go to sleeps, my heart seems like wanted to screams. And I will end up crying like a baby. It’s hurts a lot. But I was the one who decided it, so this is what I should receive. Beside, I think V is the one who has the most difficult times.

Well, V and I didn’t talk for almost two weeks, but we talked to each other yesterday. We were friends. I’m glad V and I had relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend even only for 4 months. It means a lot and I’m very thankful for all his understanding and care. Thank you for keep saying I’m a good girl even I did bad things to him. And I’m really sorry for the pains.

So, let’s hope for better days tomorrow ^^

And good luck for V and I and everybody for their National Exams, Hwaiting!!

PS :

–       Will my parents find this blog? Well, what will happen if they find it? I don’t know, let time run and see what happen

–       I don’t think I will write diary anymore

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